Broken

I treat everything and all relationships as cut and dry as a business deal. So much to the point where I gawk and wonder how some people in this world are so filled with emotion. Things have panned out in certain ways in my life that have made me numb to affection. A baby fresh out of the womb knows more about love and compassion than I. I've become so accustomed to how I've selfishly lived my life that it seems too late for me to even attempt, let alone learn, to travel another route.
Immediate family aside, I don't know how to love. So many times, with so many dissipating names, I've thought that I wasn't broken, that I finally learned to love someone, that I learned how to be human... But deep inside I was well aware that I was desperately clinging to false hope. Boredom would always set in and I knew from then on, no sutures, not any kind of proverbial advice would change the path for me to leave again... Like a dam blocking the natural flow of a river, sooner or later it would find its way through and break apart what was trying to suppress it.
I damage what embraces me. I'm broken.

You Came to Celebrate, I Came to Cerebrate

It's inspiring to see originality in any form these days. It's rarity actually.
People feed off of what saturates the media and social networks and literally undervalue the things that they choose to share. I see people left and right using trite quotes from people like Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn in an effort to display some kind of classic appeal, but in reality it applies to them in no way whatsoever. John Lennon, Bob Marley, Poe, Thoreau etc. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people use their quotes... As if their simpleton issues actually identified with or were let alone comparable to what these people were discussing. It's depressing to see how many of my peers lack solidarity in their lives, and it's difficult to witness their relentless need to signify material, corporeal ideals as opposed to spiritual and individualistic ones. I'm not saying I'm any better, I've fallen victim to so many of these traits, but at least I have a burning desire to be autonomous. Sure, I have people who inspire me, but I don't feel the need to have them translate the predicaments in my life. That's just pretentious to me, to think you're being original by reiterating another's thoughts. To wrap this up, all i'm saying is..... CEREBRATE.

Riverside, mothafucka!

So I go to to school in the Inland Empire, which is one of the most polluted cities in the, no not country, but in the entire WORLD. I'm talking about right up there with the industrial complexes in Hong Kong and India... That is insane to me. In this quaint warehouse-infested city I call my temporary home, I'm breathing in toxins that are as detrimental as fumes in third world countries. All you see on the highways around here are big trucks that are constantly pumping out terrible diesel fuels, while people, minorities at that, who are severely underpaid are driving them. These workers, men and women, are driving forklifts and are being placed in precarious situations on a daily basis, but at what cost? They have no benefits, no healthcare, no job security, and close to all of them work for way below minimum wage. I had the opportunity to meet directly with a few of these warehouse workers and it broke my heart to hear their stories of mistreatment in the workplace. They work harder than the majority of the white population and yet their cries for reform go unrecognized. I really hope these widespread "Occupy" movements spark some kind of catalyst for change for people like oppressed warehouse workers who desperately need it. I feel so helpless when it regards issues that revolve around calls for revolutionary change, which is why I'm writing about it. But that's what was on my mind today, I hope all is well with you forum!

When you have the opportunity to be happy, don't put it aside.

You Are Not Alone

I tend not to confide in people in an effort to avoid thoughtless, trite pieces of advice. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “you’re not alone, you’ll figure it out, it’ll all work out in the end.” What’s worse is I used to think they were the ones with the problem because they were idiots… But ultimately I realized the problem actually lies entirely with me. I lie in bed every day trying to brainstorm some kind of fail-proof plan for my future and fall asleep before gaining any kind of progress. I want nothing more than to be securely self sufficient as an adult and I want to be the one providing for my family. I need a confidant who’s motivated and I need them now. Everything is so discombobulated right now.

To Live&Die in LA

I’ve pretty much rejected typical California stereotypes until I took a step back and figuratively had a birds eye view of my surroundings. I mean, media obviously over exaggerates how people in Cali act, but when you really think about it, as opposed to other cultures and countries, Cali people are MEAN. I meet people who move from other states to California all the time and tell me how rude and pretentious people are over here and I guess I must have just been immune to it from living here all my life… God forbid I’m one of those rude people that they’re talking about. Our state is just one huge “click” with a bunch of little “sub-clicks” living amongst it. Don’t get me wrong, I love living in Los Angeles and I love how much it has taught me, but I had to go through near death experiences and psychological trauma to gain it. I’ve always told myself that taking the easy route is nowhere near as satisfying as persevering through the “road less travelled,” but at what cost? Still… Even though I’ve been surrounded by unmotivated, unintelligent, pessimistic liars and cheaters all my life, through them I was able to learn that honesty, love and hard work is so significant to be happy, and happiness is all I want, it’s all anyone wants really. Of course not all of us are so lucky, some settle being at the bottom and I don’t wish that on my worst enemy… And I don’t mean being at the bottom, I mean settling. I can’t exaggerate enough how important it is to NEVER settle. If you think you’re worth more, brush that off and tell yourself that damn right you’re worth more, worth better. Popularity, clicks… Media has it right, that shit doesn’t last. So stop worrying about the simple shit and better yourself the right way. Keep your loved ones close, be honest, be kind and do work. Ideally, I don’t want to spend the rest of my existence in California, but I won’t deny that it taught me life. And that’ll stick with me no matter where I go in the future.

Tumblr

When I decided to make a tumblr, I had all the intentions of continuing the rituals I had on my blogspot, but I realized tumblr’s basically reblog heavy and so I kinda just delved into that realm of it. The reason why tumblr’s comforting for me though, is because it fuses people, strangers at that, with similar and eclectic lifestyles and interests, together. You can’t really get much of that on any other site, and if you can, obviously tumblr has perfected it. Everyone on tumblr is in someway different from people of other social networking sites, and can better relate to those who feel ostracized by society, and make it bearable, better yet, okay. People that have never been part of an inside joke out in the world come on tumblr and it’s like their own esoteric gateway of jokes and interests. If social networking sites were men, Tumblr would be my maaain man while facebook, if anything, would be my annoying, clingy ass, won’t-get-a-clue ex or some shit like that.
Digression
For those of you who follow me and didn’t already know this, I’m a writer. Not in any way or form, an occupational writer. I write, for lack of better phrase, when I want and how I want, so I don’t have some kind of set schedule or method when it comes to writing. I never really have any kind of structure either, it’s just whatever my sensory organs pick up, how my brain configures these images, sounds etc. and then it transfers straight onto paper, or, the internet. That’s generally how my rhetoric works. Pure. Raw. Shit.
All in all, tumblr’s dope. It fuels my love for hiphop, art, aphorisms, weeeeeeed etfuckincetera. Oh and Mos Def. Good Lawd almighty I love that man. I’d do many things to him…
MUAH.