Saturday, January 23, 2010

One of those mornings...

I am running on about 1 or 2 hours sleep right now. Maybe less. I don't know what it is with me this morning, but man... I am not feeling too good. My mind is rummaging through stupid and paranoid thoughts once again. I wish there was some way for me to gain some kind of control... But now I'm beginning to think that I'll only achieve control over my thoughts when I feel I have a solid sense of direction in my life. As of now all my "ideas" of where I want to sustain my foundation in the future are open-ended. I'm definitely not one of those people who know exactly what they want to be and just go for it. I'm a weak person. I'm a scared person. I don't know what I want to do with my life, let alone know how to get there. Stress overwhelms me at times and sometimes leads me to bitter, unwelcoming mornings such as this one... But I digress.
Lately my dreams have been very strange... They make no sense. The one I had just now was so... Odd. I could talk to plush dolls that were rather large in size not that that piece of information is significant. Anyways, this may sound creepy to you, but for me, nothing about the dream seemed odd until one of the plush dolls asked me if I could see God. I answered something along the lines of well of course not. I mean I can't. I'm pretty sure nobody can. I wanted to finish with something like you really just have to believe, but I woke up.
I think that not being able to see God is a significant factor that contributes to his existence. It tests our faith so much more. We people are visual creatures. We feed off what is right in front of us. But believing in a force that can not be directly seen in a certain form really shows that we still know and hold onto faith.
I had a pretty stressful night before falling asleep last night. Watching all those scary movies before sleeping probably didn't help too much either. Well good or bad, I'm going to head out and embrace this day any way. Don't let a bad start to your day ruin the rest of it for you. Flash a smile to a stranger, get one back. Life is only good if we make the effort. It really is surprising how a little smile can change your day.
Good morning forum.


  1. I randomly saw one of your videos on youtube - it was pretty funny.

    You talked about having direction in this blog post, and I felt like sharing:

    Direction, or Vision, comes from doing what you love. As you do more of what you love, whether that be posting more youtube video's or posting on your blog, or dating inter-racially, or whatever you love to do, your vision for your life both generally and in specific areas like those mentioned will grow.

    Sorry for being long winded, but I had a lot of awesome things to say, haha :D

    Arthur (A chinese guy with big vision)

  2. Thank you for your feed back. :)
    And no apologies, the longer the comments the better in my opinion.